This is a list of all the stuff you like about the world. Please remember it next time you watch a scary movie and convince yourself that the world is full of hate and evil and that cute little bird singing outside your window probably wants to eat your unborn children.
1. UNICORNS! Remember the time you read an article on the Human Centipede and panicked and asked your boyfriend to tell you something nice and reassuring? The only thing that worked was the fact that unicorns exist. Well that's why this list is necessary.
(Handily, this picture - I actually typed photo first because this is clearly documentary evidence that unicorns do exist - contains FLOWERS, a RAINBOW and a BUNNY. I just killed four children-eating birds with one pictorial stone!)
If you're worried about unicorns not actually existing physically, then perhaps you could think of narwhales? Or possibly even Manatees, the connection is a bit tenuous but you just have to think about it: manatees live under the sea, so do narwhales, narwhales have horns, OMG so do unicorns. So you see, manatees are a lot like unicorns.
Manatees are also a lot like mermaids because they have fishy tails and apparently cradle their young close to their chest like women do. And to 15th Century sailors deprived of many months of intimacy I'm sure a manatee looked a perfect vision beauty. Yep, Manatees are awesome!
... I was writing a list wasn't I?
2. PUPPIES
Look how happy you are! Puppies are positively prelapsarian. (remember you like ALLITERATION as well) They are also ridiculously cute.
3. FRED ASTAIRE AND GINGER ROGERS (also Marlene Dietrich, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Sarah Vaughan, Nina Simone and Cole Porter, Bing Crosby etc etc etc)
Make yourself a cup of tea and listen to some music from the 20s and 30s. Listen to it in french if you want, on a summer's day. Or listen in english and plan to take classes and dance like Ginger.
Seeing as I accidentally included my four main points in #1, this list is almost over, but there are plenty more things to make you happy:
4. Cherry blossom
5. Old couples that look completely in love
6. Summer
7. The way Cassie from Skins says "wow"
8. Chocolate
9. Opening up every single spice jar in the pantry and smelling them
10. Agatha Christie novels
I honestly think you're sorted now.
Much love, your past self
you made me google "prelapsarian", shame on you.
ReplyDeletealso, i like no.7!
and, there was a girl in uni that looked a bit like a manatee, we called her "dugong girl" (we're Australian, dontcha know)
hehe i'm just widening your vocabulary brook! Did you say it to her face?? maybe calling her a mermaid would have been nicer. I did do some research and apparently Columbus was disappointed by how ugly mermaids were lol.
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